Saturday, October 13, 2012

Silence Not Golden

The house is quiet quiet that every falling raindrop resounds like a pounding drum.  There is an endless stillness which seems to be waiting for something that isn't going to happen.  The house is clean and neat, without little toys and socks scattered here and there.  The baby bed is stripped down and seems also to be waiting for the little person it sheltered for almost a year.  There are no broken dishes, no DVD's strewn wildly, no books pulled from the shelves.  No cries wake us in the night, no babyfood is on the floors and furniture.  It is once again the orderly place it was a year ago.

There are no sweet baby laughs and squeals, no slobbery kisses, no hugs and pats, no baby songs and chatter.  No bright eyes light up when we walk in the room, and no arms stretch out for us.  Our sweet Cayden is gone.  Once again we have to live with all our precious children and grandchildren all so far away. 
Sometimes the mess would get to us.  Sometimes we would have liked a bit more sleep.  Sometimes we would have liked to watch something without wrestling with or chasing down a very determined, very curious little guy, but that is part and parcel of having little ones around.

As I sit here in the silence, the emptiness echoing off my heart, I wish...oh how I wish he was still here.  We ache with the loneliness and the knowledge that the next time we see him we will just be strangers he's heard about from mama.  But it is what it is, so we go on doing what we do...thankful for the Comforter who helps us get through each day.

So here's to you precious Cayden!  Poppy and Grammy love you so much.  We miss you and mommy both more than you will ever know.  We pray always that you will grow up loving Jesus as He loves you, and that, even though you won't remember it, you brought much joy to us and much love while you lived here!  Wish you were still here...